Introduction: Why Conversation Skills Matter
For many leaders, the idea of talking to a staff member about domestic and family violence (DFV) is daunting.
“What if I say the wrong thing?”
“What if they get upset?”
“What if I make it worse?”
The truth is, you can’t fix DFV — but you can make a profound difference in how someone experiences it. And that difference starts with how you talk about it.
According to the Champions of Change Coalition’s “Playing Our Part” toolkit, the quality of first conversations can shape whether someone feels safe enough to seek support — or stays silent.
This blog unpacks:
- Why leaders must be conversation-ready
- How to prepare for DFV-related discussions
- Step-by-step conversation frameworks
- What to avoid
- How to embed these skills across your organisation
Section 1: Why Leaders Need to Be Ready
1. DFV Is Already in Your Workplace
Research shows a significant percentage of your workforce is likely affected by DFV right now — whether as a victim-survivor, a person using violence, or a bystander.
2. People Rarely Disclose Without Trust
If someone tells you about DFV, it’s usually because:
- They see you as approachable
- They believe you will respond with respect
- They need flexibility or safety measures at work
3. Mishandled Conversations Can Cause Harm
Poorly handled responses can lead to:
- Retaliation or victimisation
- Loss of trust in the organisation
- Withdrawal from support services
- Worsening mental health
The Champions of Change guidance is clear: “Listening with empathy and without judgement is the most valuable thing you can do.”
Section 2: Before the Conversation — Preparation Matters
Know Your Role
You’re not there to investigate or counsel. Your role is to:
- Listen
- Believe
- Provide options
- Connect to support
Know the Pathways
Before any conversation, you should know:
- Who in your organisation handles DFV disclosures
- What your DFV leave policy offers
- What external supports are available (EAP, hotlines, DFV services)
Set the Environment
- Choose a private, neutral, safe space
- Allow enough time — don’t rush
- Minimise interruptions (turn off notifications, put phone away)
Section 3: Conversation Framework
Drawing from Champions of Change and trauma-informed practice, here’s a practical structure:
1. Open Gently
Avoid direct confrontation unless necessary for safety. Use observations, not accusations.
Example:
“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed stressed and have had to leave work suddenly a few times. I just wanted to check in and see if you’re okay.”
2. Listen Without Judgment
- Use open body language
- Allow silence
- Avoid interrupting
Do say:
“Thank you for telling me. That must have been hard to share.”
3. Validate and Acknowledge
Let them know it’s not their fault and they’re not alone.
Do say:
“You don’t deserve to be treated that way.”
“This is not your fault.”
4. Offer Workplace Support Options
Explain what the workplace can do without pressuring them to take it.
Examples:
- Paid DFV leave
- Flexible work arrangements
- Adjusted rosters or location
- Security measures
5. Connect to Specialist Help
Have details ready for:
- 1800RESPECT
- Local DFV services
- EAP counsellors
6. Agree on Next Steps
Ask:
“What would you like me to do next?”
“Who else should know to help keep you safe?”
Document any agreed actions confidentially.
Section 4: Conversation Scripts for Common Scenarios
Scenario A: You Suspect DFV but They Haven’t Disclosed
“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed distracted and leaving early often. I’m not sure if something’s going on, but I want you to know that if you ever need support or flexibility, you can talk to me or HR confidentially.”
Scenario B: They Disclose DFV Directly
“Thank you for trusting me with this. I’m sorry you’re going through it. We have paid DFV leave and other support options. Would you like me to explain what’s available?”
Scenario C: They Disclose but Refuse Support
“That’s okay — you’re in control of what happens next. If you change your mind, the offer stands, and this conversation stays confidential unless there’s an immediate safety risk.”
Section 5: What to Avoid
- Don’t Investigate: You’re not a detective. Avoid asking for detailed incident accounts unless required for safety.
- Don’t Give Personal Opinions: Keep focus on support and resources, not your views on their relationship.
- Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep: If you may need to share information for safety reasons, be upfront.
- Don’t Pressure for Action: The person’s readiness to take steps will vary — respect that.
Section 6: Embedding Skills Across the Organisation
One-off training is not enough.
The Champions of Change model suggests:
- Annual refreshers for all people managers
- Scenario-based role plays to practice responses
- Debrief channels for leaders to seek guidance after a disclosure
- Clear intranet resources with step-by-step guides
Section 7: Example — The Conversation That Made the Difference
When “Anika” (not her real name) told her line manager she couldn’t keep working late shifts, the manager could have simply said “that’s not possible.”
Instead, using her DFV conversation training, the manager:
- Asked if there was anything making the shifts difficult.
- Listened when Anika said she felt unsafe travelling home.
- Offered a temporary roster change.
- Connected her with security to escort her to her car.
Anika later disclosed she was experiencing coercive control at home. The early, respectful conversation made it possible for her to stay in work and begin seeking specialist help.
Section 8: Leader’s Quick Reference Guide
When in doubt, remember:
- Listen
- Believe
- Offer options
- Respect decisions
- Connect to help
Conclusion: Culture Lives in Conversations
Policies set expectations, but it’s conversations that bring them to life.
When leaders are skilled at having respectful, safe, and supportive discussions about DFV, they send a clear message: “We see you. We hear you. You matter.”
The ability to talk about the hard stuff isn’t just a leadership skill — it’s a workplace safety tool.
